I’ve always been an “easy crier” – you name it… commercials, sunsets, sweet notes from family and friends, watching the flag be hoisted, meaningful songs, sad movies, joyful laughter… and I’m tearful…momentarily.
But this is different. I cry everyday now, unbidden streaks suddenly on my cheeks at all times of day. The news makes me cry. I’ve limited myself to watching one national news and one local news edition on TV per day. The sadness feels overwhelming sometimes, even with limited exposure, because the thoughts are there…thoughts of even more hungry, hurting people in the world, already a huge concern…thoughts of my colleagues in healthcare achingly exhausted, still caring for others, holding hands of those who are dying because family can’t be there.
My friend’s daughter has passed away, a lovely young woman who battled mightily for several weeks on a ventilator, then… the wonderful but brief hope as she was able to breathe on her own for a while, and then the realization that the devastation to her organs from Covid19 was insurmountable.
A single text from my friend…”She’s gone” with a heartbroken emoji. What to do with the tears, the grief? The feelings of devastation and unfairness?
I don’t really know yet, so I just cry.
I’m sure it will be better with time – it always has been before when horrible things have happened. My head knows there is light coming, laughter is on the horizon, there are things to savor and cherish and to be thankful and joyful for. My heart just isn’t quite there yet, especially for my friend. So right now, I’ll just cry when it comes, affirm goodness and love when I can, let the time pass and the tears fall.