I love my home state of Texas, and so many things about it. I will admit, however, after living and driving in several other states, there is a real lack of safe and courteous driving here.
I am especially chagrined about the lack of using blinkers, especially when changing lanes on very busy highways! Just yesterday driving back from Frisco I witnessed dozens of incidents that could easily have turned out very badly, one of which made me really glad as I slammed on my brakes that I had gone to the bathroom just before I left Nebraska Furniture Mart!
Alternately fuming about and blessing other drivers, I decided to blog about it today, which, of course, leads me to think about things in a much bigger way. We sometimes change directions in our lives , hopefully with the intent to move toward improved outcomes physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, financially, and lots of other “-lys” and we don’t always signal to our closest ones, or even ourselves, that we are moving into a different lane of thinking. I’ve realized in my own life that this oversight (and sometimes conscious or unconscious decision) makes for some uncomfortable moments in conversations and relationships. I started thinking then, about why people don’t always use their blinkers to signal life changes that might affect others they love, or those who will be impacted… fear, embarrassment, anger, uncertainty, mistrust… or consideration of their feelings, not wanting cause unnecessary disruption, wanting to be sure that it is the best decision before “going public.”
Changing spiritual practices, taking on different eating or activity habits, ways of spending or saving, new approaches to working or changing jobs are just some of many ways we change lanes in our lives. I’ve realized I could be much better at discussing things with Doug, who, as wonderful a husband as he is, cannot read my mind (thank heavens!) If I am undergoing thoughts about doing something different, it is so much better to have his support, which he usually gives completely when he understands what I’m wanting to do and is involved in the process. I think, for the most part, anyway, that my lack of conversing with him about things comes from being single for so many years, during which time I really didn’t need or want to share a lot of my inner thinking. I am going to consciously communicate with him more often what I am thinking, knowing that this is something that will strengthen our “us-ness” ( a favorite term of Doug’s) even more.
Sometimes not sharing is a power play, because intentionally withholding important information from another who will be affected gives the person who is “not sharing” a lot of power to make plans for an intended change without the interference of the other. This happened in my second marriage, as my then-husband made plans to leave for a desired relationship with someone else. That, of course, (as traumatic and dramatic events often do) turned out to be a blessed event, in that during my twenty plus single years I enjoyed tremendous growth as a person, as a woman, a mother, and a friend.
I, too, have on a few occasions, intentionally withheld important thoughts from a significant person or group in my life until I thought through things completely and had made a decision that I thought was best at the time. I realize now, however, that I might have come to an even better outcome in those times if I had trusted others enough to share. I’m not saying it is always the best to share these things, yet there is some true strength that comes from being open and vulnerable to loved ones, trusting them enough to “love you through it.”
Consider sharing more often your innermost lane changes, and for the love of Pete, please use your blinkers on the road!
