At dinner in Corinth with my GNO (Girls’ Night Out) group last week – you know who you are – part of the discussion centered around the looming inauguration day, and common labels starting popping into the conversation.

There are so many emotion-laden terms that we use, just around politics, for example…Liberal, Conservative, Feminist, Democrat, Republican, Independent… a maze of words that can just lead to lots of dead ends in understanding…

and I felt a rebellion rising from within…

*NO MORE LABELS!!  To think that we can define our wondrous, complex selves within a word (or a few) is an incredible injustice to the beautiful, unique beings that we are, and in my mind, only serves to further separate us at a time when unity and celebrating our oneness in this universe would be much more helpful and productive.

It is no secret to those who know me that I did not vote for or support Donald Trump.  That should not, however, pigeon-hole me into a single characteristic or box me into a category with a label, nor should it keep me from behaving in a civil manner, exercising my citizenship in the most positive way that I can.  Just as plainly, it should not define those who do support him into a single-celled thinker either!

Sooooo….

I will not engage in name-calling or labeling other people who have differing views, nor will I judge them or their behaviors (okay, at least I will try very hard not to).

* I discovered while blogging this that there is a group called “No More Labels”  https://www.nolabels.org/  and although their site looks very interesting, I am not in any way associated with them

Here is what I am offering, then, toward the goal of good citizenship with a bit of my usual spiritual-based way of thinking.

FIRST

Listen, listen, listen… quit forming your opinions and your retorts before the other person has even stopped (or started) speaking.  Consider their words and their behaviors as a starting point from which to understand, and ask very sincerely and with an open mind, “What experiences have brought you to this conclusion? ”

You may gain some insights that you had not considered before, or you may just be strengthened in your own differing way of thinking, but at the very least, there was a non-contentious connection to another human being who is also a brother/sister in God.

And, by the the way, an open mind means that you have not already packed it with obstacles, negativity, and pre-drawn conclusions that prevent the other person’s views from having a place to go in your brain for consideration.

SECOND

Introspect, inspect, respect, reflect!   We are so quick to alienate, judge and condemn without truly listening, and for some reason feel that “our way” is the only right way, and that only people who think as we do are worth listening to.

Exploring the origin of those feelings (insecurity, previous unsavory personal experiences, ego out of balance, etc.) through honest introspection brings us to our center, back to balance IF we can be truthful and honest with ourselves.  Although we were laughing at GNO about how much better off the world would be if we (I) were in charge, surely other people have insights, wisdom and skills that can enhance our lives.  Taking time to inspect those other ways of thinking and respecting our fellow beings as divine sparks of our Creator are much more likely to produce peace and goodwill, and provide common ground from which to civilly, effectively and compassionately find solutions.

THIRD

Be a mature  and truthful role model for others, especially our children.     Using labels is fraught with potential for misunderstandings.  There are so many ways to interpret the many political, moralistic, racial and/or cultural labels that are in wide use.  Further disruption in our balance occurs with fear-mongering and inciting anger through the use of social media, often behind the cowardly curtain of anonymity, for instant shock value and high, wide-spread impact.  Choosing to communicate only through character-limited tweets, passing along non-verified blurbs of information (or even worse, knowing it is untrue and passing it on anyway) radically reduces our ability to converse meaningfully, to have eye contact, to reach out with maturity, reason and wisdom.  Take time to verify information, to understand the source and the motivation behind it; let it settle in your soul for a while, and run it through your moral filter before you pass it on. Eliminate those easy-to-misunderstand labels, find out what the real person – another child of God, just like you – behind the label is thinking and feeling.  REFUSE TO USE NAME CALLING AND HARSH, HATE-FILLED WORDS.

                                              

FINALLY

We are all in this together — be kind!  You’ll get back what you give, and we’ll all be better off for more kindness.

   Let  me know what you think about this!  I’d love to hear your comments, and will post those that refrain from labeling or name-calling!

I love my home state of Texas, and so many things about it.  I will admit, however, after living and driving in several other states, there is a real lack of safe and courteous driving here.

I am especially chagrined about the lack of using blinkers, especially when changing lanes on very busy highways!  Just yesterday driving back from Frisco I witnessed dozens of incidents that could easily have turned out very badly, one of which made me really glad as I slammed on my brakes that I had gone to the bathroom just before I left Nebraska Furniture Mart!

Alternately fuming about and blessing other drivers, I decided to blog about it today, which, of course, leads me to think about things in a much bigger way.  We sometimes change directions in our lives , hopefully with the intent to move toward improved outcomes physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, financially, and lots of other “-lys” and we don’t always signal to our closest ones, or even ourselves, that we are moving into a different lane of thinking.  I’ve realized in my own life that this oversight (and sometimes conscious or unconscious decision) makes for some uncomfortable moments in conversations and relationships.  I started thinking then, about why people don’t always use their blinkers to signal life changes that might affect others they love, or those who will be impacted… fear, embarrassment, anger, uncertainty, mistrust… or consideration of their feelings, not wanting cause unnecessary disruption, wanting to be sure that it is the best decision before “going public.”

Changing spiritual practices, taking on different eating or activity habits, ways of spending or saving, new approaches to working or changing jobs are just some of many ways we change lanes in our lives.  I’ve realized I could be much better at discussing things with Doug, who, as wonderful a husband as he is, cannot read my mind (thank heavens!)  If I am undergoing thoughts about doing something different, it is so much better to have his support, which he usually gives completely when he understands what I’m wanting to do and is involved in the process.  I think, for the most part, anyway, that my lack of conversing with him about things comes from being single for so many years, during which time I really didn’t need or want to share a lot of my inner thinking. I am going to consciously communicate with him more often what I am thinking, knowing that this is something that will strengthen our “us-ness” ( a favorite term of Doug’s) even more.

Sometimes not sharing is a power play, because intentionally withholding important information from another who will be affected gives the person who is “not sharing” a lot of power to make plans for an intended change without the interference of the other.  This happened in my second marriage, as my then-husband made plans to leave for a desired relationship with someone else.  That, of course, (as traumatic and dramatic events often do) turned out to be a blessed event, in that during my twenty plus single years I enjoyed tremendous growth as a person, as a woman, a mother, and a friend.

I, too, have on a few occasions, intentionally withheld important thoughts from a significant person or group in my life until I thought through things completely and had made a decision that I thought was best at the time. I realize now, however, that I might have come to an even better outcome in those times if I had trusted others enough to share.  I’m not saying it is always the best to share these things, yet there is some true strength that comes from being open and vulnerable to loved ones, trusting them enough to “love you through it.”

 Consider sharing more often your innermost lane changes, and for the love of Pete, please use your blinkers on the road!

 

I was in Hobby Lobby on Saturday to return an item, and was a bit frustrated to have to stand in a longer-than-usual customer service line.  I still had errands to do and was feeling a bit rushed and impatient.  Taking my own very good advice :), I paused to take a deep breath, look around, and see what I might see through the different eyes of different thinking.

There was a young woman standing behind me in line, so I smiled, and commented on the beautiful garden trellis she was carrying.  It was a lovely light blue metal with intricate scrolling inside, and had a bell at the top.  “You must be making a beautiful garden with that,” I said to her, and she replied quietly and with a tinge of sadness in her voice that it was to put at her mother’s gravesite.

“My mom died a year ago today,” she went on, “and my sister and my children are all coming to the cemetery for a little memory service.  We haven’t gotten a headstone yet, and I thought this would look nice.  My mom loved blue.”  Tears welled up in her eyes as she paused, then said, “I didn’t mean to burden you with that story, and I certainly didn’t mean to start crying – it all still seems so unreal that she is gone.”

I was tearing up, too, because she was just so raw with her emotions.  I was able to tell her how sorry I was for her loss, and that I hoped she and her family had some wonderful memories of their loved one that they could share today, laugh and cry over, and ease their pain.  She smiled, saying that was the whole reason for their get-together.

It was my turn up at the counter, so I made my return, pocketed my money, and, as she was starting her transaction, I touched her hand and said, “Blessings on your day today.  I just feel sure that the spirit of love you are sharing today will be healing.”   She replied, “Thank you for your kindness,” and, as I turned to leave out the door, I am quite certain I heard the sweet tinkling of that bell.  “Every time a bell rings, an angel gets its wings!” (It’s a Wonderful Life)

Blessings abound, and I went on my way a little more thoughtfully, and a lot more thankfully, knowing full well that I was indeed blessed.

 

PS… AND I when I got home, I called my mom to tell her I loved her!

This is a longer blog than usual, so settle in and get a cup of tea!

 

I mentioned a couple of blogs ago in Awful to Awe-full that I seldom watch the news. No matter what channel I’m on, I perceive a definite trend toward reporting as the news nearly always SAD BAD MAD with very little GLAD, and I prefer to stay in what my daughter (the meteorologist) has coined “Mom’s Happy Cloud”

Now, I know that there are things going on in my world, my country, my state, community, sometimes even among my friends and family (and dare I admit within myself) that are less than desirable, and I still believe wholeheartedly that  God is present in all people and situations, even though sometimes I have a hard time fully understanding how that Presence is working  when my heart aches, my stomach hurts, and the tears flow.

There is no spot where God is not is a phrase I’ve heard and tried to incorporate into my consciousness (from the Latin root conscire: to be aware with). If you truly accept God’s omnipresence, how could it be otherwise?

So, with that intention and awareness, and realizing that difficult and sometimes horrible things do happen, my response is to avoid dwelling on those things, and instead focus on blessing them.
I will admit that is very hard, especially when people are purposefully hurting other people, and this is how I reconcile these seeming contradictions:
First, I believe that the majority of things that happen is good stuff! It is just not reported as news. That is an important consideration to helping me keep perspective.
Second, I believe the two common characteristics that instigate nearly all the SAD BAD MAD events and the people involved are FEAR and IGNORANCE.
Third, the antidotes to those are, respectively, LOVE and LIGHT, other names for God.

“Be the change you wish to see in the world,” is a paraphrasing of Gandhi’s actual quote “We but mirror the world. All the tendencies present in the outer world are to be found in the world of our body. If we could change ourselves, the tendencies in the world would also change.”

I will Be Love in Every Single Situation  (BLESS) fear- originated events and the people involved.
I will Be Light in Every Single Situation (BLESS) ignorance-induced events and the people involved.
I will be the change I wish to see in the world.  I will meditate prayerfully from my happy cloud on Light and Love, and see what happens!

I have way too much stuff!  That has become abundantly (pun intended) apparent as we have completed our move into a smaller home than we have had in the past.

Doug and I have a lovely, 3 bedroom, 2 bath home in Arlington with a large study and a sunroom, and a huge yard.  I still can’t find a place for things in the space we have, and it is unsettling.  I am “an accumulator” and so is Doug, so when we combined our belongings in marriage, we ended up with lots of duplication.  Consider that “Chef Doug” has more kitchen stuff than everyone on the Food Network combined, and I have an angel collection that rivals heaven, and you come up with “too much!”  I’ve decided that this is not emotionally, mentally, or physically healthy, and I am on a roll!

I purchased two of the recent best-selling books by Marie “KonMari” Kondo (The Life-changing Magic of Tidying Up and Spark Joy) about finding serenity through tidying up, and am beginning the process of discarding.  I find her approach radical and fascinating, and am (mostly) following her recommendations, so far with very satisfying results.  Her thoughts about keeping only what “sparks joy” has brought about some wonderful insights, some really funny conversations with friends about underwear, and a lot of getting rid of things that will contribute to the law of circulation.

This will be a long process, as this whole move back to Texas has been, and I am feeling optimistic about it at this point.  I’ll get back to you as I tackle more rooms, more stuff, and find places for the things that “spark joy!”

This picture is how I feel sometimes when I want to blog… I have so many wonderful ideas – at 2 am when I get up to go to the bathroom!  By the time I’m awake and online, that train of thought is way down the tracks to the Land of Senior Moments.

I did have this thought last night, though, and since it has been MONTHS since I last blogged (more on that later), I thought I’d just get it down.

Watching the news yesterday evening, which I don’t often do (more on that later, too!) I saw a storyline that made me think      “How awful!”    As the story progressed, however, it became apparent that my thoughts needed to be focused more on “HOW AWE-FULL,” as so many people came to help a family in much need.  Tears floated on my eyes,  I felt the presence of the Divine filling up my heart, and my “Inner Knower – Spirit Within, focused me in the direction of Good and God.

As a senior in my own right (I’ll be 65 in July)  I’ve decided to change my way of thinking about a lot of things in my past.  Things that felt so bad at the time they were happening, turned out to be such blessings…from awful (in my mind) to AWE-FULL in reality.

A second divorce when I was 49 with three children at home to raise brought some scary moments, financially, emotionally, mentally, physically.  I worked two jobs, juggled a third, and still had to be present in every aspect for my children, at that time aged 14, 11, and 5.  It was all-consuming, exhausting, and life-altering in personal growth and self-awareness.  For 23 years I was single, although I dated a little, and at one point, when my youngest was in high school, I had a nice and very pleasant relationship with a man for about 10 years (longer than either one of my previous marriages). It worked well in part because we maintained separate homes, finances, and, as it came to pass, ideas about our future together.  When that ended, I was steadfast in my frequent statement “I will NEVER marry again.” (Words, I might add, that my closest friends and sisters have thrown back to me in humor many times over the last few years.)

I met my darling Doug online in Dec. 2006, married him on Jan. 21, 2010, and have realized many times since that every moment of each past relationship, each “mother moment,”  each night that I cried myself to sleep, and each day that I woke up to new challenges, have been blessed by the Divine and brought me to NOW – my AWE-FULL, and beautiful life.  

Oh, my gosh!  I have three successful, responsible, fun adult children who have added wonderful spouses and grandchildren to our family.

I have a husband who enhances every day of my life, spiritually, emotionally, and in every other way.

I have awesome friends and family who keep me laughing and crying, living life to the fullest.

I am blessed with abundance, love, peace, joy – each day is God-filled, good-filled, and gratitude-filled.

I’ve changed my thinking and changed my life.         http://scienceofmind.com/

 

Happy first day of fall!  

It’s not very cool yet in Argyle, TX, but there is the hint of cooler weather to come, teasing me with its shorter days, earlier sunsets, and almost comfortable temperatures in the evening shade.   Texas football, turning leaves letting go of their branches and twirling softly to the ground (making a big mess!) and plants that seem to heave a sigh of relief are all heralding the change of season.

Doug and I are taking a trip to the east coast for two weeks to see friends in RI, visit my youngest son in NY, and take in the New England fall colors.  We’ve just finished our last trip moving, cleaning out our storage unit in Pierre, SD, saying goodbye to lovely friends we made there.  We thankfully enjoy being in the car together, yet making the almost 2,000 mile round trip at least 7 times in the last few months has been tiring – glad that part of our adventure together is over and the next chapter is beginning as we look for the business opportunity we know is sure to come.

The cooler weather just makes things easier all the way around!

 

                                                                          

    “Your hopes, dreams and aspirations are legitimate. They are trying to take you airborne, above the clouds, above the storms, if you only let them.”    

                                                             American philosopher William James

 

I spent a good part of this evening sitting on our patio in Pierre, SD, looking at the clouds,  watching their sun-tipped edges drift into and out of my vision.  So many shapes, constantly shifting and forming new images, about which I made up little stories, did some daydreaming, and just enjoyed the relaxation of it all.

Doug and I “watch clouds” together, and often have different viewpoints. It is interesting to me how people can  look at the same things, yet see them differently, hear the same words but understand them differently, bringing their own experiences, values, beliefs into their perceptions and interpretations of things.  How valuable to have others’ insights – being open to varied ideas certainly broadens our world!

 

I see an angel here… (I see angels all the time!) What do  you see, feel, hear in your mind when you look at this image I copied from the internet?

Are you taking time to balance your busy-ness with the many blessings of life?  Even the simple things like cloud-watching can be an exercise in the divine!  Enjoy!

and a time to every purpose under the heaven.”

AND NOW IT IS TIME TO MOVE!

Our circumstances have changed in the last 24 hours in such a wonderful way.

All our efforts with the insurance company we’ve had to deal with (and who will remain unnamed) have come to fruition!  We received a call yesterday morning that they will make an exception in our situation, and pay for a truck with a hitch to tow our moving trailer, which they do not usually do.

As our truck is still under repair in Wichita Kansas (and not expected to be ready for us until the end of July), it was such welcome news, setting us into a flurry of activity making plans to complete our move, and relieving a lot of concerns about timing.

All is just as it should be – God’s timing is perfect timing! How often I need reminding there is a time for everything, and it may not be in “Theresa Time!”

Psalms 46:10  “Be still, and know that I am God”  … this evening I will make time for that.

 

…that’s how I described myself to Doug today – at loose ends.  We had planned to have some guests for dinner, great friends who are moving at the end of the week.  Those plans fell through, and I felt “in an unsettled or uncertain situation” (definition from The Free Dictionary by Farlex).  It wasn’t really the change in dinner plans, I’ve surmised, but more our moving situation at present, an insight that caused me to rethink the importance of things.

I’ve realized that it’s unsettling to me to have “my stuff” in different places, with some belongings in boxes in our house, some in a storage unit, and still more at the house in Argyle, TX, which we have rented until we make some definite decisions about where we will start up our restaurant in the DFW area.   Our timeline has changed with the wreck (see earlier post) the first week of June, and now it seems our truck will not be ready for us to drive until the end of July.  The closing date on the sale of our home here in Pierre is Aug. 10, leaving about a week and a half for us to make our previously planned three trips to move ourselves with our moving trailer.  

Now what?!? It seems like all is unraveling into many “loose ends.”

Some soul-searching (and a discussion about spiritual growth with my husband) leads me to the conclusion that none of this matters.  We will figure it out, our truck will eventually be returned to us in good shape in Wichita, Kansas, we will spend (an exhausting) 10 days or so moving ourselves or we will make different plans, we’ll end up in Texas just as planned, our life together unfolding in just the way it needs to.  

In the meantime, we have our wonderful marriage, families who love us, friends in many places, a nice home and very pretty yard to enjoy, our cat Zoe ( a never-ending source of amusement and mischief), and plenty enough “stuff” to be more than comfortable.  As I take in that abundance and my sense of gratitude once again expands my consciousness, (how often I forget and have to be reminded!) all my “loose ends” start neatly tucking into the beautifully woven life I enjoy, and I remember that God is always present, and all is well.  

Continue reading “At loose ends…”